As parents, we often jump into "fix-it" mode when our children face challenges. We have the best intentions, but sometimes our "Plan A" solutions can miss the mark. Why? Because we haven't truly understood the root of the problem.
This blog post explores a more effective approach to problem-solving with your child, inspired by the wisdom of Dr. Ross Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving model. It involves shifting from adult-driven solutions to a collaborative process that empowers your child and strengthens your relationship.
The 3 Steps of Collaborative Problem Solving:
Empathy:
Listen and understand: Start by genuinely listening to your child's perspective. Avoid assumptions and judgments, even if you think you know the answer.
Use open-ended questions: Instead of lecturing or offering solutions, ask questions like "What's up?" or "How come?" to encourage your child to express their thoughts and feelings.
Reflect and validate: Show your child that you're listening by reflecting their words and validating their emotions. This builds trust and encourages them to open up further.
Define Your Concerns:
Clearly articulate your concerns: Once you understand your child's perspective, calmly explain your concerns about the situation. Use "I" statements to avoid blaming or accusing.
Focus on the impact: Help your child understand how their actions or behaviors are affecting others and themselves.
Invite a Solution:
Collaborate, don't dictate: Work together with your child to brainstorm solutions that address both their needs and yours.
Be open to compromise: Be willing to consider different perspectives and find a solution that works for everyone.
Empower your child: Give them a voice in the decision-making process, fostering their sense of responsibility and ownership.
Example:
Instead of saying, "You need to finish your Chinese pinyin homework before you play video games!" (Plan A), try this:
Empathy: "I've noticed you've been having trouble finishing your Chinese homework lately. What's up?"
Define Your Concerns: "I'm concerned because it's important for you to learn Chinese and keep up with your schoolwork. Also, when you don't finish your homework, it makes it harder for us to have fun family time later."
Invite a Solution: "Let's work together to find a solution that helps you get your homework done and still have time for things you enjoy. What are some ideas?"
The Benefits of Collaborative Problem Solving:
Stronger relationships: Builds trust and connection between you and your child.
Improved communication: Encourages open and honest dialogue.
Increased responsibility: Empowers children to take ownership of their actions and decisions.
Effective problem-solving: Leads to more sustainable and mutually agreeable solutions.
At BriliBrain Edu, we believe in fostering a collaborative and supportive learning environment. We encourage parents to adopt these problem-solving strategies to help their children thrive both academically and emotionally.
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